X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 0 Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id B201B3FA0A for ; Sun, 5 Mar 2006 09:17:16 +1100 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 32687-07 for ; Sun, 5 Mar 2006 09:17:04 +1100 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 59.167.250.138 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=59.167.250.138; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=polyglot.com.au; Received: from polyglot.com.au (ppp167-250-138.lns2.syd6.internode.on.net [59.167.250.138]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 3F3613FA05 for ; Sun, 5 Mar 2006 09:16:56 +1100 (EST) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.211); Sun, 5 Mar 2006 09:17:55 +1100 Thread-Topic: Fathers Selfishly Loving Your Wife Reply-To: Message-ID: <1ff5201c63fd9$7cb09c00$0101a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: AcY/2XyujfGKKJk7RmycpymdX2SBAQ== From: To: Subject: Fathers Selfishly Loving Your Wife Date: Sun, 5 Mar 2006 09:17:55 +1100 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_1FF53_01C64035.B0211400" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.326 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 04 Mar 2006 22:17:55.0920 (UTC) FILETIME=[7CB30D00:01C63FD9] X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_1FF53_01C64035.B0211400 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 182 - 20th February,2006 Go to our website Here * Welcome Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Fatherhood Delegation * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * About Us Welcome Warwick If you have been receiving this newsletter for some time you would no doubt have heard me say, "The greatest thing you can do for your children is to love your wife." After hearing Pamela Henry and Natalie Gately, lecturers in law and justice speak on the effects of Family Law and the Child Support Agency on fathers and second families in Parliament House on Thursday 2nd March, I would like to give you a new saying to take away: "The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to love your wife." We could expand this further by saying, "Once you find the woman of your dreams and have children, don't even think about going across the other side of the fence, because the grass is not greener, it is black and you will create so many problems and encounter so many hardships that you would be an idiot to contemplate it for more than a millisecond." The reason you need to love your wife and remain faithful to her for the rest of your life is compelling on pure self-interest grounds alone. The book of proverbs says it this way, 'Can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants? Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get blisters? . . . Adultery is a brainless act, soul destroying, self destructive; expect a bloody nose, a black eye and a reputation ruined for good.' (6:28) In times of old this would mean an arrow through the heart from an aggrieved husband. That sort of death is usually painful but quick. The lengthy indignity, injustice, pain and heartbreak you will suffer at the hands of the Australia Family Law Court and Child Support Agency could last for 18 years, even longer in some cases. Worse still a second wife and children will suffer even more depending on the circumstances. Under the current system, as both Natalie and Pamela pointed out, you are likely to become invisible, because you are a man. You will be treated like a second class citizen, your complaints will fall on deaf ears and you will always be in the wrong even when you are right. If your ex-wife makes allegations of violence etc against you, you are quite likely to never see your children again whether you are innocent or guilty. Even if your children wish to see you, the courts may never allow it. This is not the worst of it. Suppose you do decide to start all over again in a new marriage relationship, you will be faced with many challenges. Not only will you carry the baggage from the last relationship (eg heartbreak, pain, mistrust etc) into the new relationship, but as Natalie and Pamela said, your new wife will quite likely have to go out to work to help pay the bills for the first wife's child support. Child support does not necessarily go directly to the children but goes to their mother. Any children from your second marriage may become second class citizens who could well end up doing without, in order to renumerate the children from your first marriage. You will more than likely have to work two jobs just to survive and your second wife will be even more likely to pull the pin on the relationship because she will either never see you because you are overworked or she is sick of paying the bills for your first wife. A number of times I was moved to tears during the presentation by Pamela Henry and Natalie Gately on 'Treating Family Types Equally in Social Policy and Law.' My good friend Richard Hardy drew the conclusion that it was the most painful presentation he had ever attended, and we both agreed that we should go home and tell our wives how much we loved and appreciated them. We also considered singing a line from the song, 'Baby, Baby Please Don't Go!' on bended knee with rose in hand. Lovework Firstly: Be selfish, love your wife and be the love leader in your home. Secondly: send an email to thank Natalie Gately n.gately@ecu.edu.au and Pamela Henry pamela.henry@edu.edu.au at Edith Cowan University for their incredible courage to tell the truth about our diabolical Family Law Court and Child Support system. Yours for more love Warwick Marsh ________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads He who loves his own wife loves himself St Paul back to top Laughter You know you're in Australia in summer when: The best parking space is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water comes out of both taps. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 35'C and you feel a little chilly. You discover that it only takes two fingers to steer your car. You discover that you can get sunburnt through your car window. You develop a fear of metal car door handles. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30am. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realise that asphalt has a liquid state. The cows are giving evaporated milk. The trees are whistling for the dogs. While walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park. You catch a cold from having the air conditioner full blast while you sleep during the night. You learn that the local shopping centre is a temple to worship air-conditioning. back to top Single Dads Children's Interests Vs Vested Interests By Simon Hunt Should kids be allowed equal access to their dads after divorce? The federal government proposed 'Shared Parenting Bill', being debated in parliament this week, is supposed to make it easier for children to enjoy the love, care and influence of both their parents and end the trauma and damage of the profitable business of excluding one parent by application to the Family Court. Clearly conflict is against the best interests of children yet the Family Court and its ancillary practitioners promote conflict as an alternative to equal parenting. Unfortunately, lawyers that specialise in Family Law make their money from conflict not resolution. Typically intervention orders are used that turn the father into an instant criminal (punishable by jail) if he attempts to see his children outside the restricted times that have been dictated. Intervention orders handed out without the need to prove any wrong doing, typically start a process that causes tremendous harm to children, who as a consequence experience several times the incidence of underachievement, depression, mental illness, drug abuse, and suicide as they grow older. Excluding any child's father (or mother when it occasionally swings this way) through a process of false allegation, intimidation, and vilification represents emotional torture for the father, and, very serious abuse of the children. The debate is about whether or not a child gets to grow up with the care and guidance of both their parents. It's not a debate between men and women, as we so often get told. It's a debate between the 'vested interests' - people who derive their livelihood from securing mutually exclusive custody arrangements for children on one side, and parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters - ordinary Australians that know children should be protected from harm and given every opportunity to succeed in life, on the other. Unfortunately the vested interests are typically seen as experts and their views widely publicised by a media who is less willing to air the views of ordinary people who have no commercial interest in compromising children's lives. If parliament can deliver the commitment expressed by Prime Minister John Howard to reduce the epidemic of fatherlessness in our community, they will do so in defiance of lawyers and associated social workers and practitioners who profit from this misery industry. They will succeed in replacing the conflict that is agony for so many of Australia's children, with a common sense solution that delivers happiness and fulfilment to the children, and their parents, neither of whom need be aggrieved. If parliament again fails to reform the Family Law Court (it's tried two times before), it should ensure that fathers are spared the suffering of expecting to be allowed to stay a part of their children's lives, by publicly acknowledging the Family Court's mutually exclusive policy on child custody arrangements, thereby allowing fathers to spare their children the torment of the process. Simon Hunt (excluded father) PO Box 172 Elwood, VIC 3184 Phone: +61 (0)3 5973 6933 Mobile: 0414 415 693 Fax: +61 (0)3 5973 6311 www.dashlite.com.au email@dashlite.com.au Editor's Note: Simon has requested fathers everywhere to write a letter based on the above and send it into your local/regional paper. back to top All you need is Love Men Hold Key to their Wives' Calm By Jennifer Harper THE WASHINGTON TIMES February 20, 2006 Forget about bubble baths, chocolate, lunch with the girls or martinis. A touch of her husband's hand is one of the most effective ways to calm and comfort a woman, said University of Virginia psychologist Jim Coan, who looked inside the brains of 16 wives to discover that yes, hubby held the key to their peace of mind. Using magnetic resonance imaging, Mr. Coan found that women under stress who hold their husbands' hands show signs of "immediate relief," with a powerful decrease in threat-related brain activity. What's more, the better the marriage, the better the relief. "There's a lot of research out there suggesting that people in strong attachment relations derive health benefits. What we didn't expect was for our findings to be so strong, so clear," Mr. Coan said Thursday. "We were also surprised to see that findings varied according to marital quality," he continued. "Women in better marriages derived more benefits, which can clearly be seen on their brain scans." The scientific community and public alike have been intrigued by the reassuring news. "This is the first time I ever received fan mail for a study," Mr. Coan observed. He was persnickety about determining the parameters of a good marriage, subjecting the couples to the Dyadic Adjustment Scale, a standard psychological test that evaluates their sweet talk, arguments, mutual interests, humor and other shared moments. And the hand-holding? Mr. Coan said the sentimental activity has long been a part of folk culture as a symbol of affection. But it now has scientific merit as well, he said. The study, supported by a grant from the National Institute of Mental Health, put couples to the real test -- one somewhere between the territories of Dr. Phil and Dr. Frankenstein, perhaps. During the wives' brain scans, each received mild but nonetheless threatening electrical shocks. Mr. Coan measured the response in their brains when they held the hand of their beloved -- and that of a stranger. "The results showed a large decrease in the brain response to threat as a function of spouse hand holding," but limited response to a stranger, the study stated. The husbands even lessened emotional activity in the brain's pain processing circuits. Other research in recent years equates marital bliss with good health. Women in satisfying marriages have a distinct health advantage over single or unhappily married women, according to an American Psychological Association study that found that solid marriages benefit blood pressure, cholesterol and other cardiovascular factors. The "bliss of a steady marriage" is also a strong antidote to a life of crime, a University of Florida study found. Alternatively, long-term, low-quality marriages have significant negative effects on overall well-being, according to a study released last month by Pennsylvania State University sociologists. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Free Offer of E-Book for Fathersonline Subscribers 'Man Overboard' by Michael Kiely is a breakthrough book, designed to help men rescue and renew their marriage relationships. Michael has been married for over 30 years, has three children and a background in business and marketing. He shares with his readers how he rescued his own marriage when it went into crisis mode. 'Man Overboard' is short (100 pages), filled with headlines, valuable insights and quotations and doesn't beat around the bush. Warwick Marsh, founder of the 'Fatherhood Foundation' says, 'Every man should read this book if he is serious about staying married. It is easy to fall in love, but you have to fight to stay in love. Michael Kiely's book will give you keys to win the battle of love and save your marriage from destruction. 'Man Overboard' will help to keep the 'love fires' burning, but beware, this book is only for the brave. The fainthearted should not read this book.! To get your free copy of 'Man Overboard' (normally over $20), simply send your request with a copy of the first page of your fathersonline (which contains your first name and email address), to Michael Kiely: michael@newhorizon.au.com with 'Free copy of Man Overboard' written in the subject line. Don't miss out. Make sure you give Michael some feedback on his kindness in giving you a copy, free of charge. back to top Thought of the Week The greatest thing you can do for yourself is love your wife Warwick Marsh back to top Fatherhood Delegation Fatherhood/Men's Policy Parliamentary Delegation Last Thursday, 2nd March, we had the privilege of gathering in Federal Parliament to meet with various parliamentarians. The reason for going to the nation's capital was to meet with Labor, Liberal and National Party politicians, including Family First, to provide forthright comment on the following matters: 1) We would like to provide rational and objective comment on the need to make amendments to the Family Law Reform Amendments Bill to ensure the Family Relationship Centres are going to function correctly and as intended. Most of the men's and fathers groups in Australia believe the legislation is fatally flawed and needs to be amended to protect the rights of the child for equal parenting time access to both parents in the event of family break-up. 2) We would like to point out that the male of the species makes up 50% of the population, so a credible men/father's policy should be developed for the people of Australia by all political parties. i.e. crisis in men's health, men's suicide, mentoring, marriage educations, men's support services etc, etc, etc. 3) An afternoon forum, the 'Treating all Family Types Equally in Social Policy and Law' organised by Alby Schultz MP and featuring two female lawyers / academics from Edith Cowan University was a ground breaking event. It was a great joy to join with one voice as a group of men and fathers who have been standing strong and working with men for many decades. Barry Williams, President of Lone Fathers, Canberra; Paul Whyte, Sydney Men's Network; Rob Jones, Ministry to Men, Brisbane; Paddy Murray, Vice President Men's Health & Wellbeing, NSW; Mark Bourne, CEO Richard Hillman Foundation, Adelaide; Alex Peniazez, Non Custodial Parent's Party, Sydney; John Flanagan, Fairness in Child Support, Wollongong; Roland Foster, Fatherhood Foundation, Wollongong; Richard Hardy, Fatherhood Foundation, Sydney, Tony Miller, CEO Dads in Distress, Coffs Harbour and Dean Mason, Dads in Distress, Melbourne. Around noon we held a media conference from which we released the following Media Alert. We call upon the men and fathers of Australia to stand up and be counted. Children need both a mother and a father after separation. Please visit your local senators and tell them that our children need justice in family law. Write to all Australian senators by letter or email. They need to hear your voice over the next few weeks. For contact details of your senators go to: www.aph.gov.au MEDIA RELEASE Warwick Marsh, convenor of the National Fatherhood Coalition said last week in Parliament House at a meeting of leaders of the Australian Fatherhood / Men's Movement, "The current Family Law Reform Bill that is being debated this week, while well-intentioned, is fatally flawed. Most fatherhood and men's groups in Australia believe this to be the case. We congratulate the Government and the Opposition on their good intentions but children need more than good intentions. Children need a mother and a father in their lives. To tell the Family Law Court that they 'must consider' granting shared parenting to divorcing couples is a bit like asking lions not to eat meat. It simply won't work! The Family Law Court has a thirty year history of the one-size-fits-all policy of sole parenting which in 90% of cases is awarded to the mother. The idea of shared parental responsibility is not a new idea, but was first introduced in law as a legal term by the Keating Government in 1995 by Minister Peter Duncan. The Family Law Court of Australia ignored the government of the day and court orders for shared care consequently fell from 5.1% in 1994/95 to only 2.5% in 2000/01. Gender bias within the Family Law Court has unfortunately become a byword in the Australian community. The comment by noted academic, John Hirst, that the Family Law Court is a monstrosity that is probably beyond reformation, is not without grounds." In closing Mr Marsh said, "The idea of the Family Relationship Centres is a brilliant bipartisan innovation, but unless the court is directed by the new bill to grant equality to mothers and fathers and justice to children who want equal access to both parents, the proposed bill will simply become another exercise in re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic, rather than plugging the leak to stop the ship going down. The Government must take strong action to preserve the best interests of the child. The equal right of access to both parents must be guaranteed by a new amendment. Children need a mother and a father. How much longer must our children wait?" Warwick Marsh, Convenor of the National Fatherhood Coalition and founder of the Fatherhood Foundation may be contacted on 041 8225 212 or Office 02 4272 6677 back to top News & Info Father Survey Dear Fatherhood Foundation My name is David Brothers and I am currently undertaking a thesis research project (QUT based) in the area of sleep disturbances. Many people suffer from various types of sleep disturbances. If you are one of these people, then you will know the frustrations associated with trying to get a good night's sleep, and the adverse impact that poor sleep can have on your daytime functioning. More than 25% of people experience some form of sleep difficulty. A further 10+% experience chronic sleep difficulties. Disturbingly, there is an upward trend in the prevalence of such sleep problems. This research effort will examine the factors which separate 'good sleepers' from 'poor sleepers'. We are looking for male participants between the ages of 16 and 65 Whether you sleep fantastically, or suffer from chronic sleep problems, we would love to hear from you. If you can make time (20-25 min) to visit: http://www.sleepsurveys.com and take the Insomnia & Sleep Disturbances Survey, that would be extremely helpful, and it would also give you an opportunity to learn about your own sleep patterns/behaviours. Why take the survey ?? You will receive feedback on how your sleep compares with others who have taken the survey You will be entered into the draw for a Myer's gift voucher valued at $150 Your data will ultimately be used in the development of sleep-related treatment interventions You will feel incredibly warm and fuzzy, and all the better for doing it! Regards David Brothers * * * * * * * * * * * * * * COORDINATOR FATHERS & THEIR CHILDREN PROGRAM ANGLICARE Outer West Region requires a highly motivated and skilled Welfare Worker to join our Fathers & Their Children Program based at our Rooty Hill office. This program is a broad-based support service for fathers and their children in the Blacktown and Penrith LGAs. You will interview and assess clients, provide individual and/or group support and referrals to other agencies. You will also co-ordinate the program for The Mobile Shed, which offers activities for fathers and their children on Saturdays in local parks. This is a part- time position for 18 hours per week for a period of 12 months including 6 hours each Saturday. You possess: * tertiary qualifications in social welfare or equivalent * demonstrated ability to communicate (written and verbal) and effectively liaise at both an interpersonal and organisational level * demonstrated ability to work independently and as a team member * demonstrated ability to assess the needs of clients * sound knowledge of issues and services relating to the target group. * excellent administrative and organisation skills. * computer literacy with Microsoft Word and Excel * current driver?s licence and comprehensively insured motor vehicle * sympathetic to Christian values Salary and conditions are in accordance with the Social and Community Services Employees (State) Award, Grade 3, with generous salary sacrifice options available. It is an offence under the NSW Child Protection Act for a person convicted of a serious sex offence to apply for this position. Relevant employment screening will be conducted. For an information package, including selection criteria, phone 02 9832 2300. Written applications addressing the selection criteria close on Friday 10th March, 2006 and should be forwarded to: Regional Manager, ANGLICARE, PO Box 217, Rooty Hill NSW 2766. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Illawarra Mercury - Date:- Thursday, 02/03/2006 Parents not sure of new Govt plan By JULIAN MURPHY Words: 321 Section: News Page: 4 PROPOSED changes to Australia's child support system have received a mixed response from parents' groups. The Federal Government on Tuesday released details of an $850 million package to overhaul the existing scheme by June 2008. Separated mothers say children will be the big losers under the changes, as a majority of custodial parents will receive less financial support. "It's going to increase the financial strain on households where children of separated parents spend most of their time. In most cases this is the mother's," National Council of Single Mothers executive officer Jac Taylor said. "The average child support payment in Australia at the moment is $47 a week. That amount is easily spent every week on a child and now it is going to be reduced." Ms Taylor welcomed plans for extra child support compliance measures. "Our major concern is with the number of non-custodial parents who minimise their income or don't put in tax returns," she said. "This sort of behaviour keeps too many children in poverty." Non-Custodial Parents Party candidate John Flanagan said a push to introduce a child support payment discount for non-custodial parents if they look after their child at least one night a week would backfire. "This could encourage some vindictive custodial parents to prevent their children seeing non-custodial parents," he said. "This will create more tension between separated parents and only be worse for their kids." Mr Flanagan said the situation wouldn't improve until parents were "treated equally by the Family Law Court". Wollongong-based Fatherhood Foundation spokesman Warwick Marsh described the proposed changes as a step in the right direction. However, he questioned the timetable for their implementation. "We can't afford to take too long to introduce these changes because more non-custodial parents will suffer," he said. "At the moment there is no financial incentive for them to work and it will be better for everyone if that is resolved." ************************* Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation I want to congratulate you on your stance with regards to the family Law reform. It is time we fathers spoke with one voice and stood up for our rights & for justice. I am also a victim of the injustice that has prevailed so far in the family law system. Count my vote and full support to the National Fatherhood Coalition. Regards SP * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation Hey - I'm bummed out I didn't hear about the Wollongong mini-summit last week. Any chance you can work some sort of calendar of events into the structure of your weekly email? I think there are many events and meetings that would be of interest and good to know about. Many thanks Roger Shahani * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation That Breakfast / Luncheon sounded like it was a very emotional and wonderful event. I would have loved to be a fly on a wall!! Yes, I think we all should all be proud to be Dads if only very part time at that, if only for our children and the chance to be meaningful parents. Please keep up your wonderful work, you are modern day legends. I would like to think that all single Dads find your newsletter very inspirational and at times comforting to know that people like you and all the other Fatherhood Leaders care so much and are fighting for all of us. I think few of us single dads fail to give true credit to their very hard and tireless work they all do on our behalf. I personally do not take their effect lightly, in fact I am very grateful for their very strong leadership. I only wish we could combine all our effects and appear as one united front. Maybe we could call it : Fathers For Ever - Australia, Inc. !! Thanks for your wonderful weekly news letter and a big vote of thanks to all the Fatherhood Leaders at your event for their past and future efforts. Very kind regards, Clive Purt. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation Thanks for the articles on Barry Williams (good history and insight) and "DAD president says it's time to tackle divorce rate" (good insight, interesting statistics). I was too busy to get to last weeks newsletter, and just saw the note about Alison's miscarriage. We feel for you. My wife and I have been praying for more children for 3 years now. I had a vasostomy (vasectomy reversal), but no more children have come. May God give you peace as you deal with this and move on in hope. God bless Steve back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God Help me love my wife even if it kills me, because death inside of my marriage is much better than death outside of my marriage. back to top About Us Mission Statement & Help Us! Mission Statement The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and empowering families. Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving. That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation. Life is also about relationships. That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with your loved ones. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation, please mail your cheque or money order to: Fatherhood Foundation PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_1FF53_01C64035.B0211400 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 182 - 20th February,2006 Go to our website Here


Welcome Warwick

If you have been receiving this newsletter for some time you would no doubt have heard me say, "The greatest thing you can do for your children is to love your wife."

 

After hearing Pamela Henry and Natalie Gately, lecturers in law and justice speak on the effects of Family Law and the Child Support Agency on fathers and second families in Parliament House on Thursday 2nd March, I would like to give you a new saying to take away: "The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to love your wife." We could expand this further by saying, "Once you find the woman of your dreams and have children, don't even think about going across the other side of the fence, because the grass is not greener, it is black and you will create so many problems and encounter so many hardships that you would be an idiot to contemplate it for more than a millisecond." The reason you need to love your wife and remain faithful to her for the rest of your life is compelling on pure self-interest grounds alone. The book of proverbs says it this way, 'Can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants? Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get blisters? . . . Adultery is a brainless act, soul destroying, self destructive; expect a bloody nose, a black eye and a reputation ruined for good.' (6:28) In times of old this would mean an arrow through the heart from an aggrieved husband. That sort of death is usually painful but quick. The lengthy indignity, injustice, pain and heartbreak you will suffer at the hands of the Australia Family Law Court and Child Support Agency could last for 18 years, even longer in some cases. Worse still a second wife and children will suffer even more depending on the circumstances.

 

Under the current system, as both Natalie and Pamela pointed out, you are likely to become invisible, because you are a man. You will be treated like a second class citizen, your complaints will fall on deaf ears and you will always be in the wrong even when you are right. If your ex-wife makes allegations of violence etc against you, you are quite likely to never see your children again whether you are innocent or guilty. Even if your children wish to see you, the courts may never allow it.

 

This is not the worst of it. Suppose you do decide to start all over again in a new marriage relationship, you will be faced with many challenges. Not only will you carry the baggage from the last relationship (eg heartbreak, pain, mistrust etc) into the new relationship, but as Natalie and Pamela said, your new wife will quite likely have to go out to work to help pay the bills for the first wife's child support. Child support does not necessarily go directly to the children but goes to their mother. Any children from your second marriage may become second class citizens who could well end up doing without, in order to renumerate the children from your first marriage. You will more than likely have to work two jobs just to survive and your second wife will be even more likely to pull the pin on the relationship because she will either never see you because you are overworked or she is sick of paying the bills for your first wife.

 

A number of times I was moved to tears during the presentation by Pamela Henry and Natalie Gately on 'Treating Family Types Equally in Social Policy and Law.' My good friend Richard Hardy drew the conclusion that it was the most painful presentation he had ever attended, and we both agreed that we should go home and tell our wives how much we loved and appreciated them. We also considered singing a line from the song, 'Baby, Baby Please Don't Go!' on bended knee with rose in hand.

 

Lovework

 

Firstly: Be selfish, love your wife and be the love leader in your home.

 

Secondly: send an email to thank Natalie Gately n.gately@ecu.edu.au  and Pamela Henry pamela.henry@edu.edu.au  at Edith Cowan University for their incredible courage to tell the truth about our diabolical Family Law Court and Child Support system.

 

Yours for more love

Warwick Marsh

________________________________________


Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

back to top

Grandads

He who loves his own wife loves himself

 

St Paul

back to top

Laughter

You know you're in Australia in summer when:

The best parking space is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water comes out of both taps.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 35'C and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburnt through your car window.

You develop a fear of metal car door handles.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30am.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realise that asphalt has a liquid state.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

While walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park.

You catch a cold from having the air conditioner full blast while you 
sleep during the night.

You learn that the local shopping centre is a temple to worship air-conditioning.


 

back to top

Single Dads

Children's Interests Vs Vested Interests

By Simon Hunt

 

Should kids be allowed equal access to their dads after divorce?

 

The federal government proposed 'Shared Parenting Bill', being debated in parliament this week, is supposed to make it easier for children to enjoy the love, care and influence of both their parents and end the trauma and damage of the profitable business of excluding one parent by application to the Family Court.

 

Clearly conflict is against the best interests of children yet the Family Court and its ancillary practitioners promote conflict as an alternative to equal parenting.

 

Unfortunately, lawyers that specialise in Family Law make their money from conflict not resolution. Typically intervention orders are used that turn the father into an instant criminal (punishable by jail) if he attempts to see his children outside the restricted times that have been dictated. Intervention orders handed out without the need to prove any wrong doing, typically start a process that causes tremendous harm to children, who as a consequence experience several times the incidence of underachievement, depression, mental illness, drug abuse, and suicide as they grow older.

 

Excluding any child's father (or mother when it occasionally swings this way) through a process of false allegation, intimidation, and vilification represents emotional torture for the father, and, very serious abuse of the children.

 

The debate is about whether or not a child gets to grow up with the care and guidance of both their parents. It's not a debate between men and women, as we so often get told. It's a debate between the 'vested interests' - people who derive their livelihood from securing mutually exclusive custody arrangements for children on one side, and parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters - ordinary Australians that know children should be protected from harm and given every opportunity to succeed in life, on the other.

 

Unfortunately the vested interests are typically seen as experts and their views widely publicised by a media who is less willing to air the views of ordinary people who have no commercial interest in compromising children's lives.

 

If parliament can deliver the commitment expressed by Prime Minister John Howard to reduce the epidemic of fatherlessness in our community, they will do so in defiance of lawyers and associated social workers and practitioners who profit from this misery industry.

 

They will succeed in replacing the conflict that is agony for so many of Australia's children, with a common sense solution that delivers happiness and fulfilment to the children, and their parents, neither of whom need be aggrieved.

 

If parliament again fails to reform the Family Law Court (it's tried two times before), it should ensure that fathers are spared the suffering of expecting to be allowed to stay a part of their children's lives, by publicly acknowledging the Family Court's mutually exclusive policy on child custody arrangements, thereby allowing fathers to spare their children the torment of the process.

 

Simon Hunt (excluded father)

PO Box 172 Elwood, VIC 3184

Phone: +61 (0)3 5973 6933

Mobile: 0414 415 693

Fax: +61 (0)3 5973 6311

www.dashlite.com.au

email@dashlite.com.au

 

Editor's Note: Simon has requested fathers everywhere to write a letter based on the above and send it into your local/regional paper.

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All you need is Love

 

Men Hold Key to their Wives' Calm

By Jennifer Harper

THE WASHINGTON TIMES

February 20, 2006

 

Forget about bubble baths, chocolate, lunch with the girls or martinis.

A touch of her husband's hand is one of the most effective ways to calm and comfort a woman, said University of Virginia psychologist Jim Coan, who looked inside the brains of 16 wives to discover that yes, hubby held the key to their peace of mind.

Using magnetic resonance imaging, Mr. Coan found that women under stress who hold their husbands' hands show signs of "immediate relief," with a powerful decrease in threat-related brain activity. What's more, the better the marriage, the better the relief.

"There's a lot of research out there suggesting that people in strong attachment relations derive health benefits. What we didn't expect was for our findings to be so strong, so clear," Mr. Coan said Thursday.

"We were also surprised to see that findings varied according to marital quality," he continued. "Women in better marriages derived more benefits, which can clearly be seen on their brain scans."

The scientific community and public alike have been intrigued by the reassuring news.

"This is the first time I ever received fan mail for a study," Mr. Coan observed.

He was persnickety about determining the parameters of a good marriage, subjecting the couples to the Dyadic Adjustment Scale, a standard psychological test that evaluates their sweet talk, arguments, mutual interests, humor and other shared moments.

And the hand-holding?

Mr. Coan said the sentimental activity has long been a part of folk culture as a symbol of affection. But it now has scientific merit as well, he said. The study, supported by a grant from the National Institute of Mental Health, put couples to the real test -- one somewhere between the territories of Dr. Phil and Dr. Frankenstein, perhaps.

During the wives' brain scans, each received mild but nonetheless threatening electrical shocks. Mr. Coan measured the response in their brains when they held the hand of their beloved -- and that of a stranger.

"The results showed a large decrease in the brain response to threat as a function of spouse hand holding," but limited response to a stranger, the study stated. The husbands even lessened emotional activity in the brain's pain processing circuits.

Other research in recent years equates marital bliss with good health.

Women in satisfying marriages have a distinct health advantage over single or unhappily married women, according to an American Psychological Association study that found that solid marriages benefit blood pressure, cholesterol and other cardiovascular factors.

The "bliss of a steady marriage" is also a strong antidote to a life of crime, a University of Florida study found.

Alternatively, long-term, low-quality marriages have significant negative effects on overall well-being, according to a study released last month by Pennsylvania State University sociologists.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Free Offer of E-Book for Fathersonline Subscribers

 

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To get your free copy of 'Man Overboard' (normally over $20), simply send your request with a copy of the first page of your fathersonline (which contains your first name and email address), to Michael Kiely: michael@newhorizon.au.com   with 'Free copy of Man Overboard' written in the subject line.

 

Don't miss out. Make sure you give Michael some feedback on his kindness in giving you a copy, free of charge.

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Thought of the Week


 

The greatest thing you can do for yourself is love your wife

 

Warwick Marsh

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Fatherhood Delegation

Fatherhood/Men's Policy Parliamentary
Delegation

 

 

Last Thursday, 2nd March, we had the privilege of gathering in Federal Parliament to meet with various parliamentarians. The reason for going to the nation's capital was to meet with Labor, Liberal and National Party politicians, including Family First, to provide forthright comment on the following matters:

 

1)       We would like to provide rational and objective comment on the need to make amendments to the Family Law Reform Amendments Bill to ensure the Family Relationship Centres are going to function correctly and as intended.

 

Most of the men's and fathers groups in Australia believe the legislation is fatally flawed and needs to be amended to protect the rights of the child for equal parenting time access to both parents in the event of family break-up.

 

2)       We would like to point out that the male of the species makes up 50% of the population, so a credible men/father's policy should be developed for the people of Australia by all political parties. i.e. crisis in men's health, men's suicide, mentoring, marriage educations, men's support services etc, etc, etc.

 

3)       An afternoon forum, the 'Treating all Family Types Equally in Social Policy and Law'  organised by Alby Schultz MP and featuring two female lawyers / academics from Edith Cowan University was a ground breaking event.

 

It was a great joy to join with one voice as a group of men and fathers who have been standing strong and working with men for many decades.  Barry Williams, President of Lone Fathers, Canberra; Paul Whyte, Sydney Men's Network; Rob Jones, Ministry to Men, Brisbane; Paddy Murray, Vice President Men's Health & Wellbeing, NSW; Mark Bourne, CEO Richard Hillman Foundation, Adelaide; Alex Peniazez, Non Custodial Parent's Party, Sydney; John Flanagan, Fairness in Child Support, Wollongong; Roland Foster, Fatherhood Foundation, Wollongong; Richard Hardy, Fatherhood Foundation, Sydney, Tony Miller, CEO Dads in Distress, Coffs Harbour and Dean Mason, Dads in Distress, Melbourne.

 

Around noon we held a media conference from which we released the following Media Alert. 

 

We call upon the men and fathers of Australia to stand up and be counted.  Children need both a mother and a father after separation.  Please visit your local senators and tell them that our children need justice in family law.  Write to all Australian senators by letter or email.  They need to hear your voice over the next few weeks.

 

For contact details of your senators go to: www.aph.gov.au

 

MEDIA RELEASE

 

Warwick Marsh, convenor of the National Fatherhood Coalition said last week in Parliament House at a meeting of leaders of the Australian Fatherhood / Men's Movement, "The current Family Law Reform Bill that is being debated this week, while well-intentioned, is fatally flawed. Most fatherhood and men's groups in Australia believe this to be the case. We congratulate the Government and the Opposition on their good intentions but children need more than good intentions. Children need a mother and a father in their lives.

 

To tell the Family Law Court that they 'must consider' granting shared parenting to divorcing couples is a bit like asking lions not to eat meat. It simply won't work! The Family Law Court has a thirty year history of the one-size-fits-all policy of sole parenting which in 90% of cases is awarded to the mother. The idea of shared parental responsibility is not a new idea, but was first introduced in law as a legal term by the Keating Government in 1995 by Minister Peter Duncan. The Family Law Court of Australia ignored the government of the day and court orders for shared care consequently fell from 5.1% in 1994/95 to only 2.5% in 2000/01. Gender bias within the Family Law Court has unfortunately become a byword in the Australian community. The comment by noted academic, John Hirst, that the Family Law Court is a monstrosity that is probably beyond reformation, is not without gro unds."

 

In closing Mr Marsh said, "The idea of the Family Relationship Centres is a brilliant bipartisan innovation, but unless the court is directed by the new bill to grant equality to mothers and fathers and justice to children who want equal access to both parents, the proposed bill will simply become another exercise in re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic, rather than plugging the leak to stop the ship going down. The Government must take strong action to preserve the best interests of the child. The equal right of access to both parents must be guaranteed by a new amendment. Children need a mother and a father. How much longer must our children wait?"

 

Warwick Marsh, Convenor of the National Fatherhood Coalition and founder of the Fatherhood Foundation may be contacted on 041 8225 212 or Office 02 4272 6677

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News & Info

Father Survey

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

My name is David Brothers and I am currently undertaking a thesis research project (QUT based) in the area of sleep disturbances.

Many people suffer from various types of sleep disturbances. 

If you are one of these people, then you will know the frustrations associated with trying to get a good night's sleep, and the adverse impact that poor sleep can have on your daytime functioning.

More than 25% of people experience some form of sleep difficulty.

A further 10+% experience chronic sleep difficulties.

Disturbingly, there is an upward trend in the prevalence of such sleep problems.

This research effort will examine the factors which separate 'good sleepers' from 'poor sleepers'.

We are looking for male participants between the ages of 16 and 65

Whether you sleep fantastically, or suffer from chronic sleep problems, we would love to hear from you.

If you can make time (20-25 min) to visit: 

 

http://www.sleepsurveys.com

 

and take the Insomnia & Sleep Disturbances Survey, that would be extremely helpful, and it would also give you an opportunity to learn about your own sleep patterns/behaviours.

 

Why take the survey ??

 

You will receive feedback on how your sleep compares with others who have taken the survey

You will be entered into the draw for a Myer's gift voucher valued at $150

Your data will ultimately be used in the development of sleep-related treatment interventions

You will feel incredibly warm and fuzzy, and all the better for doing it!

 

Regards

David Brothers

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

COORDINATOR

FATHERS & THEIR CHILDREN PROGRAM

ANGLICARE

 

Outer West Region requires a highly motivated and skilled Welfare Worker to join our Fathers & Their Children Program based at our Rooty Hill office. This program is a broad-based support service for fathers and their children in the Blacktown and Penrith LGAs. You will interview and assess clients, provide individual and/or group support and referrals to other agencies. You will also co-ordinate the program for The Mobile Shed, which offers activities for fathers and their children on Saturdays in local parks. This is a part- time position for 18 hours per week for a period of 12 months including 6 hours each Saturday.

You possess:

*  tertiary qualifications in social welfare or equivalent

*  demonstrated ability to communicate (written and verbal) and effectively liaise at both an interpersonal and organisational level

*  demonstrated ability to work independently and as a team member

*  demonstrated ability to assess the needs of clients

*  sound knowledge of issues and services relating to the target group.

*  excellent administrative and organisation skills.

*  computer literacy with Microsoft Word and Excel

*  current driver?s licence and comprehensively insured motor vehicle

*  sympathetic to Christian values

Salary and conditions are in accordance with the Social and Community Services Employees (State) Award, Grade 3, with generous salary sacrifice options available.

It is an offence under the NSW Child Protection Act for a person convicted of a serious sex offence to apply for this position. Relevant employment screening will be conducted.

For an information package, including selection criteria, phone 02 9832 2300. Written applications addressing the selection criteria close on Friday 10th March, 2006 and should be forwarded to: Regional Manager, ANGLICARE, PO Box 217, Rooty Hill NSW 2766.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Illawarra Mercury - Date:- Thursday, 02/03/2006

Parents not sure of new Govt plan

By JULIAN MURPHY
Words: 321
Section: News
Page: 4

PROPOSED changes to Australia's child support system have received a mixed response from parents' groups.

The Federal Government on Tuesday released details of an $850 million package to overhaul the existing scheme by June 2008.

Separated mothers say children will be the big losers under the changes, as a majority of custodial parents will receive less financial support.

"It's going to increase the financial strain on households where children of separated parents spend most of their time. In most cases this is the mother's," National Council of Single Mothers executive officer Jac Taylor said.

"The average child support payment in Australia at the moment is $47 a week. That amount is easily spent every week on a child and now it is going to be reduced."

Ms Taylor welcomed plans for extra child support compliance measures.

"Our major concern is with th e number of non-custodial parents who minimise their income or don't put in tax returns," she said.

"This sort of behaviour keeps too many children in poverty."

Non-Custodial Parents Party candidate John Flanagan said a push to introduce a child support payment discount for non-custodial parents if they look after their child at least one night a week would backfire.

"This could encourage some vindictive custodial parents to prevent their children seeing non-custodial parents," he said.

"This will create more tension between separated parents and only be worse for their kids."

Mr Flanagan said the situation wouldn't improve until parents were "treated equally by the Family Law Court".

Wollongong-based Fatherhood Foundation spokesman Warwick Marsh described the proposed changes as a step in the right direction. However, he questioned the timetable for their implementation.

"We can't afford to take too long to introduce these c hanges because more non-custodial parents will suffer," he said. "At the moment there is no financial incentive for them to work and it will be better for everyone if that is resolved."

 

************************* 

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

I want to congratulate you on your stance with regards to the family Law reform. It is time we fathers spoke with one voice and stood up for our rights & for justice. I am also a victim of the injustice that has prevailed so far in the family law system.

 

Count my vote and full support to the National Fatherhood Coalition.

 

Regards

SP

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Hey - I'm bummed out I didn't hear about the Wollongong mini-summit last week.

 

Any chance you can work some sort of calendar of events into the structure of your weekly email? I think there are many events and meetings that would be of interest and good to know about.

 

Many thanks

Roger Shahani

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

That Breakfast / Luncheon sounded like it was a very emotional and wonderful event. I would have loved to be a fly on a wall!! Yes, I think we all should all be proud to be Dads if only very part time at that, if only for our children and the chance to be meaningful parents. Please keep up your wonderful work, you are modern day legends. I would like to think that all single Dads find your newsletter very inspirational and at times comforting to know that people like you and all the other Fatherhood Leaders care so much and are fighting for all of us. I think few of us single dads fail to give true credit to their very hard and tireless work they all do on our behalf. I personally do not take their effect lightly, in fact I am very grateful for their very strong leadership. I only wish we could combine all our effects and appear as one united front. Maybe we could call it : Fathe rs For Ever - Australia, Inc. !!

 

Thanks for your wonderful weekly news letter and a big vote of thanks to all the Fatherhood Leaders at your event for their past and future efforts.

 

Very kind regards,

 Clive Purt.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Thanks for the articles on Barry Williams (good history and insight) and "DAD president says it's time to tackle divorce rate" (good insight, interesting statistics).

 

I was too busy to get to last weeks newsletter, and just saw the note about Alison's miscarriage. We feel for you. My wife and I have been praying for more children for 3 years now. I had a vasostomy (vasectomy reversal), but no more children have come. May God give you peace as you deal with this and move on in hope.

 

God bless

Steve

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Dad's Prayer

 

Dear God

 

Help me love my wife even if it kills me,

because death inside of my marriage

is much better than death outside of my marriage.

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About Us

Mission Statement & Help Us!

Mission Statement

The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and empowering families.

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.  That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with your loved ones.
 
If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation,
please mail your cheque or money order to:
Fatherhood Foundation
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

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